✨ Tactical Thursday: The Referral Is Not What It Used to Be
The real difference between a name-drop and someone who walks your resume to the hiring manager like it’s the One Ring.
Let’s start with the obvious truth that nobody wants to say out loud:
Referrals used to feel like a cheat code.
Now? They feel like throwing a Post-it into a hurricane and hoping it lands face up in front of the right person.
But before we dig into that, let’s talk about the elephant in the referral room: nepotism.
Yup, I said it. Let’s just shake hands with the reality that almost every company I’ve worked for had a flavor of it. The summer interns? They were someone’s kid. The entry-level analyst who mysteriously landed a role after one semester of college and a TikTok? Also someone’s kid.
And I don’t actually have a problem with that—if they’re qualified and willing to learn.
But sometimes… they’re not.
And that’s when it gets dangerous. I’ve watched underqualified “legacy hires” blow up culture, erode trust, and get promoted again while competent folks were quietly quitting out of sheer exhaustion. The point? Connections should open doors, not bulldoze entire departments.
🕰️ The Good Old Days (That Weren’t That Great Either)
There was a time when your options were:
Know someone
Go into the family business
Find a listing in the newspaper classifieds
Walk in somewhere and hand over a paper resume
Get recruited from school by someone who called your landline (gasp)
When my 17-year-old tried the walk-in method recently, she was told, “Go apply online.” Every. Single. Time.
We are fully in the era of algorithmic hiring.
And let me tell you, as someone who helped build early ATS systems at Hire.com… I knew they were flawed. I just didn’t realize how deeply flawed they'd become after adding 15 years of corporate bureaucracy and keyword stuffing on top.
🤖 There’s a Ballerina in My Pipeline
Back when I was working in recruiting, I had a plumber and a ballerina apply to a Senior Java Developer role. (No hate to either profession—but “can fix a leaky toilet” is not a programming skill.)
I also had people who applied to every single job we posted—legal, tech, marketing, HR—you name it. We gave them nicknames in the office. Not in a mean way. More like “Oh, hey, there’s our friend again. I wonder if they’re applying for CFO today.”
Now? It’s somehow worse.
With AI tools, job seekers (or bots) can generate perfectly tailored resumes in seconds—even if they’ve never touched a single tech stack in the job description.
Ghost candidates are everywhere.
It’s like a haunted house full of resumé-shaped poltergeists.
🚫 Why the Referral Isn’t the Golden Ticket Anymore
Here’s where it gets tricky.
In 2016, if I had a referral, I got an interview. Done deal.
Now? I know hiring managers overwhelmed by hundreds of referrals. Some companies even limit how many people you’re allowed to refer, because it has now became “Referral Hunger Games”. And yes, some people are abusing the system, referring strangers on LinkedIn for the sweet, sweet bonus.
But let me be clear: That’s not me.
I’ll be honest—I have asked people for referrals I don’t know well. Not total strangers, but folks I’ve met at events, exchanged a few messages with, or maybe share a mutual connection. And I don’t feel bad about it, because the truth is, everyone’s doing it.
One of my friends actually made an art form out of it—working her way through LinkedIn contacts, tracing the shortest path to the hiring manager, and lining up just enough familiarity to get a referral. And it worked. She got interviews.
But here’s what sticks with me: if we all treat referrals like a shortcut, haven’t we lost what they were originally meant to be?
A referral used to mean something. It used to carry trust. It used to say, “I know this person. I believe in them. You should, too.”
Now? Sometimes it just means “We briefly interacted online and the system says I can click a button.”
I get it. I’ve played the game. But I still long for the version of referrals that are built on something real—relationships, respect, reputation. That’s what I try to build, even when I’m tired. Even when it feels like everyone else is playing a different game.
🔥 So What Is The Right Way?
The old system is flooded. The new system is gamed.
The only thing that still consistently works?
💡 Find yourself an internal champion.
Not a random person on LinkedIn who says “Sure, I’ll refer you.”
Not someone you met once who vaguely remembers your name.
I’m talking about someone who:
Knows you
Believes in you
Remembers that project you crushed in 2019
And is willing to advocate for you when it actually counts
An internal champion is the one who DMs you about a job before it’s posted.
The one who walks your resume to the hiring manager and says, “This person? They’re the real deal.”
They don’t just open the door. They walk in with you.
🛠️ Tactical Tips: How to Find Your Champion
You don’t need 1,000 connections.
You need a few really good ones.
Here’s what I do:
Export my LinkedIn contacts.
Scroll slowly. Not just for job titles, but for memories.
Ask:
Did we work on something meaningful together?
Did I help them during their job search?
Would I want to work with them again?
If the answer is yes—reach out. Genuinely. Honestly. Humbly.
And for the love of everything sacred in the job hunt:
🙏 Say thank you.
🙏 Follow up, even if nothing comes of it.
🙏 Let them know when something good happens.
Referrals are easier to ask for when you’ve built trust before you needed them.
❤️ A Call to Action (for the Employed Folks)
If you’re not job searching right now? Please don’t scroll past.
You have no idea how much it means to someone on the hunt when you treat them like a human being instead of a resume PDF.
You don’t have to fix it all.
You don’t even have to refer them if you’re not comfortable.
But if you say:
“I’m rooting for you.”
or
“Let me see what I can find.”
or
“Want to talk through your story together?”
That can carry someone through an entire month of silence and rejection.
✨ The Hopeful Bit
Yes, this system is broken.
Yes, it feels dehumanizing.
Yes, some days it feels like screaming into a void of spreadsheets, ghost jobs, and auto-rejections.
But here's what I’ve learned:
Human connection still works.
Not always fast. Not always predictably. But when someone believes in you—it lights a fire. It reminds you you're not invisible.
And when we help each other rise? We all rise.
So be someone’s lighthouse.
And if you’re out there drifting?
You are not alone.
💬 Tell me in the comments:
Have you had someone champion you?
Have you been that person for someone else?
Let’s remind each other what good looks like.
Great post.